Month: June, 2012

Caution: Man At Work

EXCAVATION

“Life is too short to stay angry”, I heard someone say.  And although I completely agree with the statement, when I heard it, my response was “life is too long to live a lie.”  My thoughts surprised me and I began (as usual) analyzing where that response came from.  I believe anger has its place, but dwelling in it, or ‘living there’ is only cause for damage to one’s health.  But I know there’s truth in anger, and it just so happens I was still holding some lingering anger about losing a friendship.  When I’m angry, the only thing I lie about is what I’m actually angry about; only when I’m honest about my anger can I actually get over it.

I could live a relative happy existence suppressing anger because ignorance is bliss.  But knowledge is power, and I need to find a way to feel powerful.  The truth isn’t always wine and roses, sometimes its water and weeds.  Water is essential to life, and weeds always find a way of coming back.  Furthermore, good ol’ JC turned water into wine, and probably saw the beauty in weeds: that is the miracle. Seeing anger for what it is, and turning into something constructive.  My anger is difficult to deal with because I’m not an angry person, and I believe understanding triumphs over anger every time.  I’ve avoided being angry, but that means I’ve avoided the truth. After reading an open letter on Life In The Dash Lane, (a great blog btw), which really resonated with me, I was inspired to explore my own lingering anger.

The friendship I lost encompassed a huge chunk of the social part of my life. They were the “family member” I chose to be around. They were the ally, confidant, counselor. Our friendship had come to an abrupt end; I’m sad for this but I respect and accept it.  While this is an arduous task for me, it is essential for my emotional health to let go of what could have been, to find peace and move forward with life.  I must mourn the friendship of which I was so incredibly emotionally invested in because trying to ignore my emotions would be unhealthy.

Acknowledging my anger means becoming aware of truths.  I was angry at her for destroying my dream, but digging deeper I found that was not really the truth.  Yes, it sucks that my dream was destroyed, but having dreams slip away is part of life.  I dug deeper;  my faith in teachings about love, and doing ‘the work’, and being grateful didn’t exactly help keep the relationship together.  I was angry because I believed in it so much, but the result wasn’t what I expected.  It seemed like a level of blame, so I dug even deeper.  I was angry because I believed that with enough encouragement, the positive within a human would triumph over the negative, and I was proven wrong.  However, that challenging battle is eternal for everyone, so I had to keep digging.  Even after offering hope, encouragement and gratitude it was reciprocated with hopelessness, discouragement and ingratitude: I was angry about the imbalance.  But in retrospect within the grand scheme, it was balanced.  I had to go deeper.  I reached my core and discovered the infuriating shameful truth: Despite her overpowering fear, I still wanted to love her;  it made me feel weak. I refused to admit to myself that after being hurt by this person, I still wanted them in my life, I still cared for their well-being, I still wanted to talk to them, when they chose the exact opposite of all that.

Though I felt weak, I realized what strength it took to dig, to understand, to accept, and to change.  I felt powerful; from inside is where true strength comes from. During my long excavation digging my way into the depths of my core, ‘I saw the light’, and realized how long life actually is, when you take the time to learn the truth.

Advertisements

Today’s post comes from guest blogger (my virtual therapist), Red Moon! I would like to declare my gratitude to this amazing blogger for inspiration, guidance and strength.

The Wise One once said...

The Wise One once said:  “Most people focus on the problem(s) not the promise”

Why do we replay over and over a relationship gone wrong….most have attached their identity to the relationship, to that other person sooo deeply, moving on from it…brings people to their knees.

You must stop defining yourself by what might have been.  The focus should be on what you want now.  What did that other person show you?…Many of you all still don’t know and you want to desperately know what in the world they were there to teach you when all they would do towards the end was push your buttons all the time anyway….this has been discussed throughout this blog…the number one, paramount encompassing thing is your lack of self-mastery.

If that person could put you in such mental twist and upset you by their actions time and time again…(and you didn’t leave then…)  then there is yet another lesson…

View original post 338 more words

The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled….

Tea With the Devil Himself

A while back I wrote some sinful letters, in an attempt to explore my ego and it’s reason for seemingly getting me into trouble.  I soon realized that although it got me into trouble, it also helped get out of trouble, and avoid it too.  I totally misunderstood its use.  And so of course my mind conjures up more questions.   Bizarre questions. For example, God loves the Devil. Obviously. But is that love reciprocated?

Quick back story on the Devil… He was created by God himself, served as God’s right hand man, was considered the elite among angels. Later he decided he didn’t like the order of things (placing man/angels on an even level), and was cast out of heaven for his oppositional behaviour.

We’ve all had those friendships where a falling out occurs and someone extends their forgiveness and things are good again.  I’m willing to bet God took the moral high ground and forgave the Devil because it seems like the ‘right thing to do’.  So I figure I’d play mediator and see if I could get this biblical friendship back on track, after all they used to be BFF’s!  I sent out spiritual invitations to invite both parties… The Devil RSVP’d immediately and appeared before I started boiling the water.  I had to hand it to him;  he’s prompt.  However, God doesn’t always come when you call, but I heard he’s always right on time, so we waited.  I figured I’d get to know the Devil while waiting for the grace of God.  Here’s what happened:

Me: You’re a lot taller than I thought.

The Devil: I’ve got my father’s height.

Me: So–

The Devil: Yes it is.

Me: Yes what is?

The Devil: You were going to ask if it’s really hot in hell.  Everyone asks.

Me: They do?

The Devil: Yeah, but it’s only hot, figuratively speaking.  Fire tends to purify things.

Me: Oh… Interesting.  Actually I was going to ask–

The Devil: (rolls his eyes) I’m not really here to reveal the secrets of the universe to you.  Just looking to get on with this meeting.

Me: (nervous laughter) God’s probably held up in traffic.  Guess there’s a lot of people up there?  That’s a relief, huh?

CRASH! The cup I’m holding mysteriously shatters.

The Devil: (sipping his tea) Careful there.

Me: Your place is just as nice.

The Devil: (smiling) Just like in heaven, it’s as nice as you want it to be– Wait. You’ve been there before?

Me: A couple of times.

The Devil: (holding me in a shadowy glare) Oh really?

Me: (more nervous laughter) With all those people there suffering you were probably too busy to notice me.  No rest for the wicked, right?

As he leans in close to look at me, I feel the hairs on my neck spring up.

The Devil:  I’ve got a lot more time on my hands than you think …Hmm… I do recognize you… (He literally looks into my soul; I feel used).  You’re that hack writer who wines about his life.

Me: Uh. Yeah?  

The Devil: Did you enjoy your stay?

Me: No, but I did learn a lot.

The Devil: You know you’ll be back…

Me: Didn’t know you had psychic ability.

The Devil: Actually God kept that neat little trick to himself.

Me: Makes sense.  Guess you’d be playing for team Jesus if you could see the future.

The Devil: Hmm… Humour deflects many things, but not your ignorance.

Awkward silence.  The Devil takes another long sip of his tea.

The Devil: So what were you going to ask me?

Me: Uh… Well, I’m sure God must have told you why he created all of us…

The Devil: (Grinning) The mysteries of the universe cannot be explained, to someone of your level…

Me: Oh… Well… are you at a level where you can dumb it down for me.

The Devil Laughs. For a long time.  I feel uncomfortable, even a little annoyed.  

The Devil: Ok…

Finally the Devil glances over towards the wall mirror, motioning for me to see.  I’m awestruck, unable to move. I rub my eyes approaching the mirror for a closer look, because surely what I’m seeing can’t be true.  It’s his reflection; I see him, in me.

Time blurs. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours that passed, but finally God arrived, and I snap out of my daze.  I was going to bring him up to speed, but you know… Godspeed is much faster.

What happened next you ask? I have no idea.  Any thoughts on how to end this story?

%d bloggers like this: