Snapped, Crackled and Popped

by The Writer

Life is Like a Bowl of Cereal

-People of high-moral fibre surrounded by flakes.

As a kid, I’d do anything for the sugar-coated cereals, but my older sister was more of a Honey Nut Cheerios junkie.  Much like her cereal of choice, she was, wholesome, yet boring with a touch of sweetness.  My parents, who didn’t grow up with the plethora of breakfast buddies, remained steadfast to the order of Snap, Crackle and Pop. Loud and plain, just like their cereal of choice.  But for a treat, every so often, Tony the Tiger would make an appearance for a weekend; those Frosted Flakes were gggrrreat but didn’t last very long with four kids around.

The sole purpose for going shopping with mom (other than to collect boxes to make monstrous forts) was to snatch up a new cereal.  My mom always wanted company when she grocery shopped, so it was a win-win situation, but negotiating the purchase of the over-price, sugar-filled cereals was our weekly mental chess game.  Some, I’d win, some I’d lose.  And when I won, it was epic.  Captain Crunch made a short-lived appearance until I cut my gums on a shard of his crunch bits.  I was more than surprised when my mom agreed to Corn Pops.  Essentially it’s just a ball of dehydrated corn syrup infused with ‘nutrients’ to make it part of a ‘complete breakfast’.  It met the same fate as the Captain.  Lucky Charms, became unlucky with those disgusting dehydrated marshmallows, and dizzying sugar-highs.  We went coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, and loopy for Fruit Loops until my parents came to their senses.  The shadowy Sugar Crisp-dealing Sugar Bear, tried to get us addicted, but never succeeded.  Trix were for kids, so we eventually out grew the Rabbit and refused to follow him down his sugary cavity-hole.  Apple Jacks didn’t have a trace of real apple in it, so it was banned.  And we discovered that all that glitters isn’t Golden Grahams.   I could go on, but you get the point– The cereal graveyard is full, and not just with Count Chocula’s tooth-decayed corpse.

Later, I was introduced to the sweet-tasting Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  I was and still am a french toast addict, so I believed this cereal was made by angles, who I’m told, are in labor disputes with the Rice Krispies Elves.  Looking at today’s breakfast cereals, I noticed that most of the adults ones boast their high fibre content to draw us in.  No longer lured in by sugar, breakfast cereal companies are aware of how full of shit we’ve grown as adults and over compensate to help us stay regular.  I’m not much of a cereal person anymore, and though I’m a little more health-conscious, I’ll have some Cinnamon Toast Crunch once in a while for fun, but I’ll usually reach for some Corn Flakes.  I suppose after all that sweetness as a kid, I’m just as corny and flakey as this post.  On a side note, the origins of Corn Flakes are quite interesting; they were thought to decrease interest in sex….  And on that note, I’ll leave you with something to chew on, and end this post.

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