Month: August, 2012

The 12: Prologue

All Work And No Play Makes Me A Dull Boy

You may be able to take a break from writing, but you won’t be able to take a break from being a writer…- Stephen Leigh

It had been awhile since I posted anything, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, I decided to take a journey…  I also mentioned that I had a problem, and I took the ‘first step’ in admitting it.  The thing about addictions is that it has such a negative connotation.  There are many ‘good’ things people can be addicted to, but as with anything, addictions in excess, is never a good thing.  In my ‘online’ absence, I decided to revisit the 12-Step program for writing– Perhaps you’re thinking the same thing I thought: what is wrong with this guy?

Here’s my thought process:  If my ‘writing addiction’ is a good thing, and the 12-Step program is a good thing, either I’ll learn to be okay with writing less (a good thing) or quit altogether (not such a good thing, but two rights don’t usually make a wrong).  In either case, I decided it was worth a try.  If you’ve checked out my last ‘stint in rehab’, it may seem as though I’m foolishly repeating myself, but tackling this experiment, I’m coming at it from a different place, and a deeper understanding.  Truthfully, I wasn’t going to post any of it for fear of appearing insecure, but… Meh. I’ve made peace with that.  Admittedly my original intentions for my ‘Writer’s 12-Step Program’ was to kick the writer’s habit so that I could start ‘living and enjoying life’.  But ironically a book came out of it.

After I writing a book last year, I decided the process was too long, and the end result too soul-crushing.  I would never commit to such a thing.  Ever. But interestingly over the past few weeks, I’ve finished writing about half of the non-fiction book, and if you come along on my journey, I will share the book with you!  Soon I’ll need some help with choosing a title, soliciting some content ideas from readers, and of course reviews.  I would like to acknowledge that some of my readers, subscribers and followers have shown great support and concern for me lately, and it has made me feel really appreciated, and motivated me to continue writing.  So if you happen to catch an upcoming post from ‘The 12’ that seems a little raw, it’s just me doing some cleaning before I get to the good stuff.  And the good stuff is happening.  And soon I’ll be able to take that much-needed vacation…

K.I.S.S. and Tellin’ It

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Keeping It Strictly Single

Comparing your love life with others will only leave you broken hearted. –Nikki Novo

Lately I’ve been doing other things, which has kept me from posting (more on that later).  I have been writing, but it’s been a different journey I plan to share soon.  But, an interesting situation that occurred in the bowels of a local nightclub got me thinking about my situation… I’ve thought about sharing dating experiences, but I think I’ll leave that to the women who seem to be doing a better job at it.  Women seem to be having a tough time out there, but I realized that men do also, they just don’t really discuss it.  But, I digress…

Like everyone else, I have many personal issues to deal with, but one ‘problem’ that I wasn’t aware of seems to be coming up quite often as of late– I’m aware of the situation, and although I don’t think of it as a problem, others seem to immediately identify it and bring it to my attention.  Behind polite smiles, and analytical eyes is the look of genuine curiosity– There’s something wrong with ‘him’, most believe.  And while it’s partially true, the follow-up questions change the perception of things.  What I do for ‘fun’ doesn’t seem like fun to everyone, but I find joy in cooking a meal, reading a book, and writing, of course.  Incidentally, my fun keeps me out of the trouble most assume I’m getting into.  Truth be told, even for me, getting into trouble isn’t as easy as it seems…

After what seems like an interrogation with questions about my background, family life, interests, and aspirations, the affirmation of my sexual orientation leads to the assumption that I need help– Suddenly I go from anomaly to charity case, and I need to be fixed-up with a woman.  “A great catch like you should be out having fun”,  I’m told with a devilish grin… Yet, during the intrusive interview I mentioned what I like to do for fun–  Yes, sex is fun, but I think that’s just a given on most people’s list; do I really need to mention it?  Am I not allowed to reserve a small amount of dignity and class?  Having been in a number of long-term relationships, I really haven’t explored the simplicity of the single life for a long period of time.  And while I’m presently doing that, it seems many people, including family seem to take issue with that.  I can recognize the genuine good feelings and intentions of playing matchmaker– Perhaps it’s the experience of creating a connection between two strangers with the possibility of love.  Whatever the reason, being single brings out the matchmaker in people who have no business doing so.

Indeed I enjoy my alone time, and of course I enjoy the soothing presence of a woman however, I don’t see my situation as a problem.  Being uninhibited is freeing, and keeping it strictly single helps to avoid, and flirt with trouble too.  Interestingly, it seems only when I start thinking about the ‘shoulds’ and comparing myself to friends who are in relationships that I seem to get into the real trouble…

The Bruce Wayne Project

 

I’m No Super Hero

The end of my previous relationship brought out my insecurities that I wouldn’t be able to provide a stable lifestyle for my partner.  I’m not a materialistic person, and am quite content with living within my means.  However, because I’m an advocate for abundance in all areas of my life, my finances could definitely use a boost.  This got me thinking about Bruce Wayne… Actually it got me thinking about Cee-Lo Green, but eventually my thoughts returned to the playboy billionaire.  I can already hear the naysayers proclaiming I can’t live like Bruce Wayne!  Racial aspects aside, he’s fictional.  Second, he’s got intimacy issues… True.  There is a danger living like Bruce Wayne, but I’m confident I’ll be able to recognize sincerity, loyalty and true love, and be able to tell the difference between ‘real and fair-weather’ friends who come around when life is good and there’s money to spend.

The tragic story of Bruce Wayne is, he witnessed his parents being murdered in an alley by a thief.  Orphaned by this tragic event, Bruce became haunted by his fears and blamed himself.  Unable to cope with the life, he set off on a journey of self discovery and developed his personal strengths and inner spirit.  During this very lengthy and difficult process he reached down deep into the shadows of his soul to confront his fear.  With his unwavering inner strength he decided to turn his weakness into strength to help others and contribute to society, and not just only through financial means.

Turning tragedy to triumph, and weakness into strength to contribute and better serve others while channeling my ‘negative’ emotions into something more productive is what this project is all about.  I’m well aware that Bruce Wayne is a fictional character, but it doesn’t mean inspiration can’t be drawn from fiction.  Batman, Bruce’s alter ego, is where he channels his ‘negative’ emotions into something more productive.  Yet, his alter ego uses sweet ninja skills, fear and intimidation, which is why this isn’t ‘The Batman Project’. Had this been the ‘Batman Project’, the first order of business would be to work on my exterior; building a solid foundation from the ground up, and purchasing a plethora of pristine boxer briefs.

However, this is the Bruce Wayne Project, so the first step is to survive a tragic story… Done, and done. Setting off on this blogging adventure has been quiet a journey… And confronting the shadows of my soul have given me untold riches, I plan to share in the coming posts.  However, the one thing that scares me is the inevitable ‘Batman Project’.  Should I be concerned that I’ve already begun to stockpile underwear?

 

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