Month: September, 2012

The Question

He Said, She Hears

I can’t give much in the way of dating advice, but what I can offer is relationship advice.  Having been in a handful of longterm relationships, there are certain things that occur which can often create turmoil– There’s no way to avoid them either.  First and foremost, the best advice I can offer is NEVER date a writer.  Most writer’s mean what they say, and say what they mean, then write about it later.  Using a standard situation that has the potential to create turmoil, I’ll show a writer’s approach…

The Significant Other: Does this make me look fat?

The Writer: How can a women like you look fat in anything?

The Significant Other: You didn’t answer the question.

The Writer: I don’t believe you’re capable of looking fat.

The Significant Other: You think I look fat, don’t you!

The Writer: (smiling) Who are you trying to look skinny for? Your judgemental friends, or some new guy at work?

The Significant Other: I’m trying to look skinny for you– I just think I look fat.

The Writer: You look more beautiful today, than the day I met you.

Now some may look at this example and think ‘The Writer’ craftily avoided a bad situation by evading the question.  However, The Writer answered the real question head-on.  Responding with a ‘yes’, not only amplifies the ‘insecurity’, but also only focuses on the exterior beauty.  Responding with a ‘no’, again focuses on the exterior beauty and doesn’t reinforce any love, and may actually be a lie created to avoid a sticky situation.   Inside of intimate relationships, significant others approach their partners with their insecurities with hope (consciously & subconsciously) they will reciprocate with some security.

Although I’ve toyed with the idea of a new blog, this is all the real ‘advice’ I can offer in relationships.  I can’t even recall where I heard this gem– Either way, I’m not an expert.  Furthermore, I know this situation can work the same way with female writers too, but I’m too afraid to date one.

The 12: Acceptance

Step 6: Acceptance

Writer’s Rehab

The key to Step 6 is acceptance — accepting my work exactly as it is and becoming entirely willing to let go of it.

Although this is the step where a higher power is supposed to remove my ‘defects’, I’m not entirely sure if I want them removed– I’m not perfect, nor do I wish to be however, by accepting ‘I am, all that I am‘, makes me ‘perfect‘, and my work too.  That being said, I can recognize writing as a defect when I obsess about it, and when it only serves myself, and no one else.  If I’m not trying to serve others through these means, I’m not doing my job.  The writing itself is neutral, but the way I approach it was the issue, the ‘defect’ that must be acknowledged and accepted.  Incidentally step 2 and 3 was about believing in a higher power, and turning my life over to it. By making ‘writing’ the higher power, and submitting to it, writing about my thoughts and feelings, empowers me to understand and accept things as they are.

I accept that I wrote from a place that serves only myself because I began writing as a means to an end– I needed it to be a career so I could earn a living.  I thought it would be an easy thing to do, and I enjoyed it for the most part.  I acknowledge and accept that my work wasn’t at the caliber it could have been even while trying to pass it off as professional.  I acknowledge and accept that my attempts to acquire the ‘professional writer’ title were premature– I used to define it as ‘being paid for my services’.  Incidentally, I earned the title long before I earned a penny for the title, I just didn’t realize it.  I acknowledge and accept that not everything I’ve written was good– I matured as a writer through the years, and looking back on some of my earlier work, I can see weaknesses, but for a time each piece was ‘perfect’.  Perhaps perfection is only a temporary thing, like everything else.  There are other writers far greater, and more deserving than I am, which I can recognize , and accept.  I am not the best writer, nor do I have to be; I acknowledge and accept my limitations as a writer and know there is always room to grow a little more.


*Although I’m almost done with ‘Writer’s Rehab’, I’ve actually only posted half of the journey.  Reading some of these reflective posts, I realize they’re a little heavy and some folks are again concerned about ‘how things are going’… These posts are an experiment and don’t accurately reflect the current state of my life, which is in a state of transition (thank you to TWOOS).  I’ve finished my book, and just letting it sit for a bit before I share it with you folks, so thank you again for coming along on this twisted journey, and I promise you some good times.
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