The 12: Faith

by The Writer

Step 2: Faith

Writer’s Rehab

It seems to be a spiritual truth, that before a higher power can begin to ‘create’, I must first believe that it can.

Writing is a power greater than myself.  I know this because when I write I feel as though God is working through me.  It’s as if time is flowing in a non-linear fashion.  It’s as if my soul is being released onto the page.  How can something of such magnitude that can hijack my mindset and reduce me to tears restore me to sanity?  Writing allows me to release whatever thoughts, fears, and dreams I’m holding.  It helps me to get clear about life and where I am in it.  It allows me to be truthful about things even if I don’t want to be off the page.

Writing expands my mind and allows me to go places I can’t physically go.  I wasn’t even aware of the power writing held until it was too late.  It’s said when a friend tells you their wish to become a writer, the second thing you do is encourage them, and the first thing you do is shoot them in the face to protect them from the inevitable rejection.  This is where blissful ignorance comes into play because many journeys begin with only faith.  I can’t shake faith, and despite being born with it,  I don’t fully understand what exactly faith is– I mean I know the dictionary definition of it, but I don’t understand why it compels me, or where it comes from.  At one point I actually asked God to remove it because it became to heavy to carry– Who else would’ve shared such a burden?  ‘Hope is a dangerous thing’, says Morgan Freeman‘s character in Shawshank Redemption— I feel like Andy Dufresne, wrongly incarcerated in a prison of my mind.  The warden? I feel like him too.  The sage advice from the wise old black guy?  That’s me too.  Seems me, myself and I are still in movie mode, and just when I crawled through five hundred yards of foulness most can’t even imagine (sorry for the spoiler if you haven’t seen the movie), here I am again on Step 2 with no expectation of how this will feel or any hope of what it will do.  Not only does the difficulty of this step call into question my faith in myself, but also my faith in the universe.  I’m forced to really look at hope (the other side of faith); it is my expectation of the outcome, which in order for me to be open, must be acknowledged and then destroyed.