The 12: Surrender
by The Writer
Step 3: Surrender
A lifetime of self-will run riot can come to a screeching halt, and change forever, by making a simple decision to turn it all over to a higher power.
In order to turn my life over to writing, I must first define what it means for me: Writing is a means of communication, and a form of expression. Thinking about this simplified definition, it became clear that my issue came from a misunderstanding of the word ‘art’. Taking on the label ‘artist’, because I express myself best through the written art form, caused me to glorify writing. By placing the ‘art’ and ‘artist’ title on a pedestal, not only did the work itself become more difficult, the failures felt even worse. I used to define writing as a means to an end. Being an artist became my identity, my strength, but at the same time it was my Achilles heel, my greatest weakness. It seems surrendering to it is insane because someone with a legitimate substance abuse addiction would not do the same.
I’ve expressed how I believed writing ‘ruined my life’, but that is not altogether true. My intense focus, and obsession with writing ‘ruined my life’, or the life I thought I was living. When it all fell down, writing helped to navigate where I was, and where I wanted to go– I had to contradict myself and surrender to it. Having confessed my overwhelming pride which was attached to my earlier definition of what writing is, I am now able to see why obsessing about it never got me to where I wanted to be. My intentions were good, but my actions didn’t match. At this point I don’t know what ‘sobriety’ will look like for me, but I know it includes approaching the craft of writing from a healthier perspective.
Within this experiment, within these posts, and within me there is irony and conflict, the very thing everyone seems to want to avoid in life, yet desire in a ‘good story’. Committing to express my inner conflict in hopes to engage and communicate with others is the reason for writing these posts– The challenge for me being not allow my ego to usurp my altruistic and spiritual needs because surrendering to that will make me obsess about writing instead of writing for writing sake.