The 12: Soul Searching
by The Writer
Step 4: Soul Searching
There is a saying that creativity is a process, not an event. The same can be said for writing — more will surely be revealed.
Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself couldn’t be done unless I look at the seven deadly sins. Why? Just to make things interesting…
Pride— I believed in my own inflated sense of my accomplishment. I believed everything I’ve done, achieved and sacrificed made me entitled to the title of a ‘professional’ writer. As the worst item on my list, it did more hindering than helping.
Gluttony— An over indulgence to the point of extravagance or waste. Although it mostly pertains to food, I feel the time spent writing could be considered gluttonous. Once a project is ‘shelved’ on my hard-drive never to be seen again, sometimes I feel I’ve wasted my time on it and think of what I could’ve been doing instead.
Greed— Is the excessive desire to pursue material possessions. I can admit that most of my initial motives for being a writer came from my desire to be wealthy and profit from the sale of screenplays and books. Just because I enjoyed the process of writing, doesn’t mean that greed didn’t play its hand in producing the work.
Sloth— Failing to develop spiritually is key to being guilty of sloth, and I definitely can admit I didn’t allow myself to work from my spiritual side. I believed ‘sloth’ simply meant being lazy, but that’s only part of the true meaning. There were times I didn’t feel like writing, and didn’t. There were times I wrote what I believed was ‘marketable’, or a ‘pride piece’– Neither of which served my spirit, or anyone else.
Wrath— My interpretation of having been offended, wronged and denied by agents, production companies and executives etc.., caused me to overreact and become angry at them and myself. I became harder on myself because I believed my work wasn’t good enough, and I wasn’t good enough, or they just didn’t understand me. Ironically those statements were true, and false at the same time. Indeed failure is upsetting however, not dealing with my anger only helped to make my inner ‘wrath’ grow.
Envy— I became resentful to some other artists who found success through their work. My jealousy didn’t allow me to accept their quality of work, and the struggle they went through. I’d try to mask my envy, but I’d just turn it inward and compare my work to others. Not only did it make matters worse, it took away from the quality of my work and ‘my voice’ as a writer.
Lust— an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. When I get up in the morning, I would have a deep-seated desire to write; it was a feeling I could feel inside my body. Without writing something for a while, I’d feel like something was off, and things around me started to seem troublesome.