Month: October, 2012

The 12: Connecting

Step 11: Connecting

Writer’s Rehab

The purpose of Step 11 is to discover the plan ‘writing’, as I understand it, has for my life.

Connecting and fully understanding  my purpose for writing has been a challenge for me.  It has been the means of my own personal growth and discovery.  As long as I’m alive, I will write.  I will express my thoughts and feelings through text.  I will create and share stories, and serve others through my words.  Interestingly, because I truly wanted to quit my ‘addiction’ when I began this experiment, the purpose of ‘writing’, which has been so integral in my life, has been a bit illusive.  In my formative years, I wrote for the pure joy of it because I didn’t have to think of it as a career.  In my later years, my conscious effort to write was simply a means to an end.  During my ‘starving artist’ period it became a vehicle for self-expression.  And now it has become a ‘product’ of service to others.  Going forward, being a writer is and has always been a discipline of my choosing.  The direction of my career is also my choosing– For me, quitting ‘being a writer’ would mean I’m a failure.

The pieces and projects I’ve worked on were only the beginning of the greatness ahead of me.  And it is a long continuous journey I’m ready for.   And although my past projects may not have found the success I wanted for them, I love them just the same.  If I believe my ‘next’ project will always be my best project, I will keep moving towards success.  Through writing, a higher power speaks to me, and I simply do the best I can to capture the miracle.  This is the hardest part of the craft of writing.  However, it is when I am still, when I am silent, when I am quiet, I can capture the words.  My writing habits have changed over the weeks, but there remains an unseen compelling force pushing me to continue.  And although my continued purpose of writing may not be in blog form, it will no doubt be a means to an end that not only expresses my thoughts and feelings, but also serves others.

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The 12: Maintenance

Step 10: Maintenance

Writer’s Rehab

Nobody likes to admit to being wrong. But it is absolutely necessary to maintain progress in recovery.

Admitting when I’m wrong has been an experience that has taken me from one end of my spectrum to the other.  My soul searching list in step 4, listed my ‘sins’ of the craft of writing. And in the attempt to gain balance I must acknowledge the virtuousness within my craft.  This list will help to identify what’s ‘write’.

Humility— Maintain a realistic sense of my accomplishment without attachments to the outcome or labels; keep a healthy perspective towards writing.

Temperance— Setting aside time to write is important because it is time for myself.  This sacred time must be treated with respect and not wasted.  I most be mindful of moderating my time spent writing and time spent with others.

Charity— I must remove the thoughts that the work must be perfect and love it as it is– celebrate the manifestation of the idea, and the sharing of it with others.  The material possessions gained from the work are secondary to connecting with others.

Diligence— Continuing to work from a spiritual place allows the work to grow more naturally.   And although there will be times I don’t feel like writing, I won’t give up on myself.  I will proceed with faith and continue putting words on pages.

Patience— Knowing my work is good enough doesn’t mean I don’t have to continue to work hard at it.  I must remember this fact when I get angry about projects not turning out as planned.  I have patience with myself while working through the creative process and keep up a sense of peacefulness and stability.

Kindness— Using the spirit of competition as a way for my work to improve doesn’t mean being jealous of other artists: I am only in competition with myself.  I learn from the last creation and improve upon it.  I must show compassion and trust in my work, and the work of others without judgement or resentment.

Chastity— Although I may not be able to avoid the deep-seated desire to write, I can maintain a healthy perspective towards writing and make sure my thoughts and actions fall in line with a more balanced and positive outlook.

 

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned ;)

Sins of the Father Redux

For the purpose of this post I’m removing the religious connotations and moral precepts attached to the word ‘sin’. Borrowing from influential Metaphysics teacher Neville Goddard, it simply means ‘to miss the mark’. By not being the person I was meant to be, ‘I’ve missed the mark’– I’ve ‘sinned‘…

I’ve wondered if my parents grew into the people they were meant to be. There are a select few ways of knowing for certain if who they are now is who they were supposed to be.  Being separated by a generation I assumed they had more wisdom than I did, and possibly would acquire more throughout their lifetime. However, through the vicarious living, and not so subtle suggestions of what to do with my life, it seems perhaps they’ve missed the mark, but want to see that I hit mine.  It’s difficult to know who I’m supposed to be when I’ve only recently figured out who I am. Furthermore, I must remember that I can’t remain static: who I am won’t change, but who I’m supposed to be may change from time to time.

Though I’ve stated my parents were hilarious scary immigrants, I believe they did the best they could with the resources and levels of awareness available to them. However, I’ve also wondered, if my father didn’t become who he was meant to be how it would have affected me. And if I didn’t become who I was meant to be how that would affect him. My father is the strong silent type, with a plethora of good ideas, but doesn’t always articulate them clearly. Though we don’t share the same perspectives on many societal issues, I respect his position and sometimes enjoy discussing them. Yet, before I was able to grasp complex social concepts, I perceived much of what was communicated to me as boring lectures. I would’ve much rather been playing outside, or chasing girls, but even those options became lectures. The lectures went in one ear, and out the other but, before they evacuated my conscious mind they swirled around my subconscious, leaving behind faint whispers.

Growing up, I struggled with the inner conflict about who I was, who I was meant to be, and who I wanted to be. When the moment arrived that I became consciously aware I turned into my father, it was a wave of emotions. Who I was, who I was meant to be, and who I wanted to be didn’t match up. Echoing in my mind were the sins of my father, the sins of others, and sins of my own. The years spent defying my parents, and trying not to turn into them came back around. The harder I resisted, the more I completed the transformation. It was scary. So I finally let go, and stopped fighting it. I embraced it, and learned who they were, who I was, and who I could be.  Afterwards the real change occurred, and I was ‘saved from sin’.

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