Tag: Jesus

From Saint to Sinner & Back Again

The Birth of My Soul

Like everything in existence, birth is where it all begins. In many cases, birth is a traumatic experience, which we’ve all come through, yet have no memory of. Almost all life begins inside an egg, or a seed which often resembles an egg. The lovely oval shape of the egg is not only nurturing, it also offers protection to the life growing inside it. While the growth taking place inside the egg shape is important, the ever- adjusting outer shell`s growth is equally important. Without the exterior there is no protection and, ultimately, no life. Whether smooth, rough, or seemingly impenetrable, the exterior has weak areas which could ultimately lead to the destruction of the precious life growing within. Most of the time, the weakness is cleverly concealed by nature in order to project an image of strength against the forces that would damage the entire cycle of life.

Consider the life of a tree. The tree begins as nothing more than a small oval surrounded by soil from which emerges a seedling that broke free of its casing. Gathering nutrients from the soil, it grows and pushes out in both directions to firmly secure itself in the earth below and reach for the light above. Trees need both the warm light of the sun, and the rich darkness of the earth to survive. With their tough exteriors, they may seem indestructible but, in time, even the largest trees fall to nature.

Watching life hatch from its egg is a beautiful thing and nothing short of a blessing. For a period of time, the mystery lies inside a cocoon, fighting to survive until it transforms into what nature intended. Feeding off of the food of its protector, it eventually becomes strong enough to break free of its encasement to embrace freedom. What was inside is now outside. A new cycle has begun and will continue to repeat throughout time and, as before, the safety of the shell is not noticeable until it is time to break free again.

The miracle of birth is accompanied by the protection of parents which a child eventually challenges as he learns to adapt to his environment. Later in life, when the child has become an adult and the separation from his parents is complete, the cycle resumes as he in turn becomes a parent protecting his own children. Ironically, perceptions shift as the once needed protection becomes an imprisonment which must be broken, but then imposed on the next generation by the jailbird. Not only is this rite of passage birth and rebirth, it is the breaking of the old into the new. And as Bishop T.D. Jakes suggests, it is important to recognize ‘the blessing is in the breaking’.

Because of the way I’m forced to perceive time and space, I have no working knowledge of how my soul lives on through the universe. I don’t recall how I came to physically embody my soul, nor do I know what will happen to it once this body has reached the end of its cycle. But like everything in existence, my soul had to have been born at some point in time. And if it is born then, perhaps, it too must die, only to be reborn again. If that is the case, my soul is also crafted like an egg, i.e., two parts making a whole. Inside is my spirit, or God, The Creator. Protecting it is my ego, or Devil, The Destroyer. Because of the numerous and diverse connotations of God and The Devil, I will use the terms, ‘The Creator’ and ‘The Destroyer’. These may symbolize whatever spiritual entities create and destroy life within your belief system.

Yin – yang translate to “shadow and light”. In the East this refers to the interdependent and interconnectedness of polar opposites in the natural world (creation/destruction), and how the dualities give rise to and complement each other. As dualities, they are no longer opposing forces, but rather, cooperative ones working together to create a greater whole. The Creator could not be understood if The Destroyer didn’t exist, and The Destroyer cannot exist without The Creator. Depending on the individual, the manifestation of one of these dualities may occur more strongly than the other. As part of an unseen dynamic system, the ‘good’ and ‘evil’ moral dimensions people attach to humanity merely reflect personal compasses of where a person happens to fit within society.

Inside my soul, my spirit and ego work together in a never-ending, unseen cycle of birth and death. My ego protects my spirit when it is weak until I shift my perspective, break free of the protection and reemerge as the protector. During this triumphant rebirth of my spirit, I also suffer the death of my own protector. It is at this moment that the moral dimension I attach to it comes into play. Will I celebrate the birth of my spirit? Or, will I mourn the loss of my protector? Celebrating triumph brings joy and a stronger spirit. Conversely, mourning brings grief and clings to the former ego. Sometimes the rebirth of my spirit is a small thing and doesn’t seem worth celebrating. Instead, the loss appears too great and separation from my ego seems impossible. In either case, each time I become aware the process is happening, it allows for a stronger outcome, faster recovery and more awareness—it is similar to how athletes continuously break down their muscles so that they can be stronger for the next workout.

I don’t recall the original birth of my soul, but I have witnessed its death and rebirth. Make no mistake, the process can be painful and challenging, but it is also universally experienced and can be inspiring depending on the observer. Even simply knowing that, eventually, ‘everything will work out fine’, doesn’t, on its own, give me the strength to endure the emotional experience of ‘the breaking’; however, it’s often the traumatic experiences one suffers through that can transform them into something incredible.

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Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned ;)

Sins of the Father Redux

For the purpose of this post I’m removing the religious connotations and moral precepts attached to the word ‘sin’. Borrowing from influential Metaphysics teacher Neville Goddard, it simply means ‘to miss the mark’. By not being the person I was meant to be, ‘I’ve missed the mark’– I’ve ‘sinned‘…

I’ve wondered if my parents grew into the people they were meant to be. There are a select few ways of knowing for certain if who they are now is who they were supposed to be.  Being separated by a generation I assumed they had more wisdom than I did, and possibly would acquire more throughout their lifetime. However, through the vicarious living, and not so subtle suggestions of what to do with my life, it seems perhaps they’ve missed the mark, but want to see that I hit mine.  It’s difficult to know who I’m supposed to be when I’ve only recently figured out who I am. Furthermore, I must remember that I can’t remain static: who I am won’t change, but who I’m supposed to be may change from time to time.

Though I’ve stated my parents were hilarious scary immigrants, I believe they did the best they could with the resources and levels of awareness available to them. However, I’ve also wondered, if my father didn’t become who he was meant to be how it would have affected me. And if I didn’t become who I was meant to be how that would affect him. My father is the strong silent type, with a plethora of good ideas, but doesn’t always articulate them clearly. Though we don’t share the same perspectives on many societal issues, I respect his position and sometimes enjoy discussing them. Yet, before I was able to grasp complex social concepts, I perceived much of what was communicated to me as boring lectures. I would’ve much rather been playing outside, or chasing girls, but even those options became lectures. The lectures went in one ear, and out the other but, before they evacuated my conscious mind they swirled around my subconscious, leaving behind faint whispers.

Growing up, I struggled with the inner conflict about who I was, who I was meant to be, and who I wanted to be. When the moment arrived that I became consciously aware I turned into my father, it was a wave of emotions. Who I was, who I was meant to be, and who I wanted to be didn’t match up. Echoing in my mind were the sins of my father, the sins of others, and sins of my own. The years spent defying my parents, and trying not to turn into them came back around. The harder I resisted, the more I completed the transformation. It was scary. So I finally let go, and stopped fighting it. I embraced it, and learned who they were, who I was, and who I could be.  Afterwards the real change occurred, and I was ‘saved from sin’.

The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled….

Tea With the Devil Himself

A while back I wrote some sinful letters, in an attempt to explore my ego and it’s reason for seemingly getting me into trouble.  I soon realized that although it got me into trouble, it also helped get out of trouble, and avoid it too.  I totally misunderstood its use.  And so of course my mind conjures up more questions.   Bizarre questions. For example, God loves the Devil. Obviously. But is that love reciprocated?

Quick back story on the Devil… He was created by God himself, served as God’s right hand man, was considered the elite among angels. Later he decided he didn’t like the order of things (placing man/angels on an even level), and was cast out of heaven for his oppositional behaviour.

We’ve all had those friendships where a falling out occurs and someone extends their forgiveness and things are good again.  I’m willing to bet God took the moral high ground and forgave the Devil because it seems like the ‘right thing to do’.  So I figure I’d play mediator and see if I could get this biblical friendship back on track, after all they used to be BFF’s!  I sent out spiritual invitations to invite both parties… The Devil RSVP’d immediately and appeared before I started boiling the water.  I had to hand it to him;  he’s prompt.  However, God doesn’t always come when you call, but I heard he’s always right on time, so we waited.  I figured I’d get to know the Devil while waiting for the grace of God.  Here’s what happened:

Me: You’re a lot taller than I thought.

The Devil: I’ve got my father’s height.

Me: So–

The Devil: Yes it is.

Me: Yes what is?

The Devil: You were going to ask if it’s really hot in hell.  Everyone asks.

Me: They do?

The Devil: Yeah, but it’s only hot, figuratively speaking.  Fire tends to purify things.

Me: Oh… Interesting.  Actually I was going to ask–

The Devil: (rolls his eyes) I’m not really here to reveal the secrets of the universe to you.  Just looking to get on with this meeting.

Me: (nervous laughter) God’s probably held up in traffic.  Guess there’s a lot of people up there?  That’s a relief, huh?

CRASH! The cup I’m holding mysteriously shatters.

The Devil: (sipping his tea) Careful there.

Me: Your place is just as nice.

The Devil: (smiling) Just like in heaven, it’s as nice as you want it to be– Wait. You’ve been there before?

Me: A couple of times.

The Devil: (holding me in a shadowy glare) Oh really?

Me: (more nervous laughter) With all those people there suffering you were probably too busy to notice me.  No rest for the wicked, right?

As he leans in close to look at me, I feel the hairs on my neck spring up.

The Devil:  I’ve got a lot more time on my hands than you think …Hmm… I do recognize you… (He literally looks into my soul; I feel used).  You’re that hack writer who wines about his life.

Me: Uh. Yeah?  

The Devil: Did you enjoy your stay?

Me: No, but I did learn a lot.

The Devil: You know you’ll be back…

Me: Didn’t know you had psychic ability.

The Devil: Actually God kept that neat little trick to himself.

Me: Makes sense.  Guess you’d be playing for team Jesus if you could see the future.

The Devil: Hmm… Humour deflects many things, but not your ignorance.

Awkward silence.  The Devil takes another long sip of his tea.

The Devil: So what were you going to ask me?

Me: Uh… Well, I’m sure God must have told you why he created all of us…

The Devil: (Grinning) The mysteries of the universe cannot be explained, to someone of your level…

Me: Oh… Well… are you at a level where you can dumb it down for me.

The Devil Laughs. For a long time.  I feel uncomfortable, even a little annoyed.  

The Devil: Ok…

Finally the Devil glances over towards the wall mirror, motioning for me to see.  I’m awestruck, unable to move. I rub my eyes approaching the mirror for a closer look, because surely what I’m seeing can’t be true.  It’s his reflection; I see him, in me.

Time blurs. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours that passed, but finally God arrived, and I snap out of my daze.  I was going to bring him up to speed, but you know… Godspeed is much faster.

What happened next you ask? I have no idea.  Any thoughts on how to end this story?

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